THE GOODBYES

We’ve spent the last eight weeks saying goodbyes. In a way it was wonderful to have the gift of time but in ways it did really make it hard. I wanted to soak in everything that we’d be leaving, but I also had this burden of everything that needed to get done before we moved. I prayed that I would be able to let go of the to-do list as much as possible and enjoy the people we love and the place that finally feels like home. It didn’t always work and in the last couple of weeks I felt myself really struggling to stay positive. I was exhausted mentally, emotionally. It was hard. I have dear friends that are sisters to me. I mean, real sisters. The ones that drop everything when you need something, even if it’s 5 AM or they have other plans. The ones that love on your children and bring you wine if you’ve had a rough day with said children. These women mean the world to me and knowing that I would be leaving that, and taking them away from my children broke my heart in a million pieces. I felt myself start to shut down, I tried for many weeks to spend as many minutes as possible with all our dear family. Toward the end of our weeks in Minnesota, I felt myself start to drift. Not put up walls, but I was really living in my head. I couldn’t imagine what life would be like without the people that we love around us. My in-laws were a few hours away and while that felt like too far many times, it paled in to comparison to a cross-country move. It was hard to say good-bye (and then more good-byes as we all found more time to spend together) to them. There was a solid two weeks of good-byes. It was a lot to manage emotionally, but I’m glad we had that time. I’m glad we could give the boys the most closure possible before we jumped into this new adventure. I keep telling them “We are a team” and “We are saying yes to adventure” but I’m terrified. We are saying yes and we are a team and we’ll get through this together but I don’t want just getting through for us. I pray that this move is more than that for all of us.